


a study in miscues

by trashkingvibes



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Coming Out, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Miscommunication, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:09:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25268881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashkingvibes/pseuds/trashkingvibes
Summary: “Because he’s straight,” Sid hissed. He wasn’t going to call his sister a dumbass, he wasn’t. He was thirty three. He didn’t need to call his baby sister names in public.“Did he say that?” Taylor huffed. “With his own mouth?”“I mean - no,” Sid winced.“Did you say you were in love with him with big boy words?” Taylor enunciated clearly like she was speaking to a child.“I - no,” Sid repeated with another wince.Taylor’s sigh lasted an uncomfortable length of time. “Dear God, boys are dumb.”Or, Nate and Sid really need to work on their communication skills.
Relationships: Sidney Crosby/Nathan MacKinnon
Comments: 3
Kudos: 159





	a study in miscues

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt for this was '“Do you think you can teach me that?”, which in hindsight didn't really require four thousand words to answer.

“Do you think you can teach me that?”

Nate stopped skating with a spray of snow, breathing heavily. “Teach you what?”

“The -” Sid made a swaying motion back and forth motion with his body. “- thing you do.”

“The -” Nate made the motion back, feeling like an idiot. Somehow Sid didn’t look absolutely ridiculous, but it probably helped that he was Sidney Crosby. “- thing I do.”

Sid rolled his eyes. “Shut up, you know what I meant.”

“You want me to, what, teach you how I deke? I’m pretty sure you can deke.”

“You’re more -” Sid waved a gloved hand, searching for words. “Elegant,” he decided on. “I’m a bit more forceful.”

Nate grinned. “Fifteen year old Nate would have just burst into tears because Sidney Crosby called him elegant.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Sid smiled. “Just because your  _ skating  _ is elegant doesn’t mean  _ you’re  _ elegant.”

“Whatever, you think I’m elegant,” he responded, lifting his nose in the air.

“Sure, buddy, sure.”

“I’m pretty sure I learned how to deke watching you,” Nate pointed out.

Sid contemplated that. “Huh.”

“So, really, you should be teaching  _ me _ how to deke properly.”

“Nah,” Sid laughed, staring across the ice. “I don’t think you need me to teach you anything.”

Nate sucked in a deep breath, choking at the cold of the rink. Sid just - he just  _ said  _ things like that. Things that he said off the cuff, like they’re just a given, just simple things. But they struck him to the core every time.

Because Nate - Nate had loved the idea of Sidney Crosby since before he knew he even liked guys. He thought, hockey crush, every teenage boy had them. Most of them had a crush on Sidney Crosby, too. 

Then he’d met him, and yeah it had taken a few years, but that had morphed into  _ something.  _ Something that was just Sid. He wasn’t Sidney Crosby with Nate anymore. He was just - Sid. And suddenly he didn’t just love the ‘idea of Sidney Crosby’. 

Same old story. Queer kid falls in love with his straight best friend.

“I’m getting slow,” Sid was explaining. 

“Are people complaining about the points you put up again?”

“Not that I was aware of,” Sid grinned. “But I’ll take your word for it.”

“It’s stupid,” Nate huffed, fiddling with the tape on his stick. “You’re still the best player in the league.”

“Aw, you think I’m the best player in the league?” Sid said, a hand on his heart.

Nate rolled his eyes and squirted water in Sid’s face. “Duh. Idiot.”

“Dunno,” Sid shrugged, taking a glove off to wipe at his eyes. “You’re getting up there.”

“Because my dekes are so elegant?” Nate joked.

“Cole Harbour has to keep representing when I retire,” Sid pointed out.

“I’ll do my best, I guess.”

“Pretty soon they’ll have to change the sign,” Sid hummed, nudging Nate with his elbow. “Our names will look pretty good next to each other.”

Nate flushed, hoping Sid would blame it on the cold. “Only if my name goes first.”

“Come on, man, at least alphabetical order.”

“Age before beauty,” Nate snickered.

“What, so you’re calling me ugly?”

“You have a face only a mother could love.”

“I’m sure Kathy agrees,” Sid leered, skating away with a laugh before Nate can hit him with his stick.

“Stop making jokes about my mom,” Nate complained. “She’s practically your mom as well.”

“You set it up, though.”

“Whatever,” Nate huffed. “Wait until I tell the media that Sidney Crosby makes inappropriate jokes about friends’ moms. See if they’ll call you perfect now.”

“No reporter has ever called me perfect,” Sid responded, skating easy circles around Nate. 

“Stop flirting and get back to work, boys,” Andy shouted. “You can make it another half hour.”

Nate spluttered, trying to deny that they were flirting but Sid just laughed and went back to work.

They went for lunch after their training session, like they did most of the time they trained together. They sat at their usual table at their usual cafe and ordered their usual meals; that was the best thing about home. Nate wasn’t Nathan MacKinnon back home. They knew him, only gave a fuck about his hockey if he was in a Team Canada sweater. 

“I do want you to teach me some of your moves,” Sid said, raising a brow. “I meant it.”

Nate snorted. “I don’t think you need my help at all.”

“It’s been awhile since commentators have referred to my play as ‘dancing’,” Sid said through a bite of his sandwich. He swallowed. “Every time I watch your games they say ‘MacKinnon dances around defenders’ about fifty times.”

“I know for a fact that commentators still refer to your play as ‘dancing’, bro.” Nate took a sip of his water. “But sure. I’ll teach you how to dance if you teach me how to defend.”

“You know how to defend.”

“And you know how to dance.”

Sid laughed loudly, that sort of honking thing that Nate cherished. “Touche.”

He leant back with a sigh, stretching his arms over his head. For once, Nate allowed himself to look. Sid had the body of a hockey player, thick because he had to be. Bulky because he had to be. His body was a tool, and it was precisely Nate’s type. Or maybe that was just because he was in love with Sid - regardless, Nate liked it. 

He was so incredible fucked.

-

Sid had come to terms with it; his love for Nate. A word so frightening, especially when applied to another man, especially when applied to Nate. Eight years his junior, one of his best friends. But there was no other way to describe how he felt. Infatuation didn’t explain the ache in his heart, something so inherent that Sid sometimes forgot it was there. It was him and Nate. It had been Sid and Nate for years, and hopefully would always be Sid and Nate. Their names would always be together, at least back home. Whether it was their jerseys next to each other on the wall of their local, or - hopefully - their names on the sign welcoming people to Cole Harbour.

He’d meant it when he said their names looked good together. 

He wasn’t scared anymore, not really. The only terrifying part of his feelings for Nate was how quickly he’d become a pillar in his life.

Sid didn’t need Nate to return his feelings. It was enough that they were best friends, that they were brothers. 

Well. It was enough most of the time.

Then there were the other times, when Nate would smile at him with the wind blowing in his hair, the light hitting his eyes just so. Times like this, sitting outside together. How easy it would be to tangle their legs together under the small cafe table. To brush the backs of their hands together.

Sid stretched, hoping his sigh sounded more ‘pleased with a full meal’ than ‘melancholy because he was a fool who fell for his straight best friend’.

Nate watched him, an indiscernible look in his eye.

“Are you busy later?” Nate asked, finishing his sandwich and taking another sip of his water.

Sid shook his head. “Not particularly, no.”

“Do you mind if I come over for dinner?” Nate cleared his throat, looking nervous. “There’s something we need to talk about.”

“For sure,” Sid said with a grin like his heart wasn’t suddenly going a thousand kilometres per hour. ‘We need to talk’ didn’t turn out good, right? No matter how you looked at it. “What about?”

“Just. Me. Us.”

Sid’s stomach clenched. 

“It’s nap time right now, though,” Nate yawns, jaw cracking.

“Agreed.” Like Sid’s anxiety would let him sleep.

The waiter dropped off their bill with a cheerful ‘See you boys soon’ and before Nate could even try to pay, Sid dropped his card on the table. “My treat.”

“It’s always your treat,” Nate whined.

“Age before beauty,” Sid grinned.

“Aw, gee, do you really think I’m pretty?” Nate said, batting his eyes.

Sid put on his best bland media face so he didn’t smile, lest Nate thought he was funny. “No comment.”

Nate rolled his eyes. “Okay, sure, Mr. Crosby.”

“Go on, head home,” Sid said, waving him away. “I’ll fire up the grill for seven. Steak or salmon?”

“I had salmon for lunch.”

“Steak it is,” Sid confirmed, smiling at Nate probably a tad too fondly.

As soon as they both had left the cafe, leaving a generous tip on the table, Sid waved goodbye to Nate and pulled out his phone. 

“Sid? You okay?”

Sid realized Taylor had answered while he was staring at Nate walking away.

“Um.” Sid cleared his throat. Why had he called his sister? “I think Nate knows how I feel?”

“That’s great!” Taylor yelled. Why she was always so loud was beyond Sid. “I’m so proud of you for telling him, big bro! I'm the best man, right?”

“What? No, Mike’s definitely the best man.”

“Come on,” Taylor whined. “I’d make a better best man than  _ Mike. _ ”

“You like Mike, don’t lie.” Sid paused, realizing what she’d said. “Wait - no, there won’t be a wedding.”

Taylor hummed thoughtfully. “Oh, is Nate not a wedding guy?”

“I don’t know if he’s a wedding guy.” Nate was definitely a wedding guy. “But there will be no wedding because we’re not together.”

“Um, excuse me? Why the fuck not?”

“Because he’s straight,” Sid hissed. He wasn’t going to call his sister a dumbass, he wasn’t. He was thirty three. He didn’t need to call his baby sister names in public.

“Did he say that?” Taylor huffed. “With his own mouth?”

“I mean - no,” Sid winced.

“Did you say you were in love with him with big boy words?” Taylor enunciated clearly like she was speaking to a child.

“I - no,” Sid repeated with another wince.

Taylor’s sigh lasted an uncomfortable length of time. “Dear God, boys are dumb.”

“Hey!”

“No, you two are. Why do you think he knows?”

Sid pinched the bridge of his nose. “He said we needed to talk.”

Taylor just groaned. “And you assumed that meant he knew you were in love with him?”

“What else could it mean?”

“I don’t know, that he had to talk about something with you?” There’s no way Taylor wouldn't hit him up the head if she was present physically. “Maybe he wants your opinion on a house he wants to buy. Maybe he needs help picking out a fishing rod. Why would you assume he knew, you dumbass?”

“He said about ‘us’,” Sid protested. 

“You are literally such a dumbass.”

“Don’t make fun of me,” Sid whined. 

“Sidney,” Taylor sighed. She did a lot of sighing. “You may be pretty okay at hockey, but you’re never going to win any awards for your emotional intelligence.”

Sid sighed back. “Yeah.”

“Tell him, Squid,” she urged. “Even if he doesn’t feel the same, he’s, like, your best friend. He’s not going to hate you because you want to bone him.”

“Please don’t talk about Nate and I boning,” Sid pleaded. “You’re my sister.”

She cackled then began to sing, “Nathan and Sidney, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”

He hung up on her before she could continue.

She had a point, was the thing. He didn’t really know what Nate wanted to talk to him about. But the walls he’d put up around his heart when he was just a kid being yelled at by the parents of other players were weak when it came to Nate. If anyone could find a crack, it was Nathan MacKinnon.

If anyone had the power to hurt Sid, it was Nathan MacKinnon.

-

Nate waited until he was in his car before freaking out. Why the fuck had he said that? He scrambled for his phone and pulled up his contacts; it rang twice before there was an answer.

“Kill me, please,” he pleaded.

“...Nate?” Tyson said. He sounded confused which was understandable. Nate hadn’t even let him say hello before he spoke.

“Who else, dickhead?”

“Right.” Tyson sounded confused still but also vaguely amused. “What did you do?”

“I think I’m going to tell Sid how I feel.”

“Yes, and? Why do you need me to kill you?”

“Because I told him we had something to talk about and he looked horrified but it’s too late to back out.”

“So...why are you calling me?”

“I don’t know,” Nate whined. “You’re my friend, you’re supposed to hype me up.”

“That wasn’t in the friendship contract,” Tyson laughed. “Man up, MacKinnon. You two are practically married as it is.”

Tyson hung up and Nate sighed. That’s what he got for being friends with a Leaf.

He drove home, trying not to think about what he’d agreed to do. He didn’t  _ need  _ to tell Sid how he felt. He could just tell him that he was bisexual, and stop at that. Sid wouldn’t care about his sexuality, he was never worried about that.

Nate rubbed a hand down his face as he turned into his driveway. He might as well get it over with, though. Go big or go home and all that.

He tried to nap - he really  _ was _ exhausted - but he could barely close his eyes without seeing the look of horror on Sid’s face when Nate said he had something he needed to tell him. No matter what people said, Sid wasn’t allergic to emotions. Which meant -

He had to already know what Nate wanted to tell him. 

There goes any chance of a nap, actually.

Was it so bad, though, Sid already knowing? Even if it horrified him? Everyone else knew; friends, family, teammates, fans; anyone that had ever heard Nate speak. The summer was almost over. They’d have the whole season to get over it. Or, Sid would have the whole season to get over it. It would take longer for Nate to get over it; it’d already been almost five years, a handful of girlfriends, one or two secret boyfriends, and he’d been in love with his friend from back home through all of it. He probably wasn’t getting over Sid.

He was okay with that. 

Sure, he didn’t get to see Sid before he’d combed his hair in the morning, disheveled from just waking up. He didn’t get to make fun of him if he snored, or said something stupid in his sleep. He’d never fall asleep or wake up next to him. And that was okay. Unrequited love was a bitch, but it was a bitch he was familiar with.

But then, Sid would ask him for lunch at his house - the house he cherished like it was a part of him - and would stand next to him on the dock, and turn a softer smile towards Nate. A smile, heartbreakingly lovely, that he never saw directed towards anyone else. A smile he hoped was his.

It was in those moments that he thought  _ ‘Maybe’.  _ But in the next breath Sid would call them ‘brothers’ and Nate would try not to sigh in disappointment.

It was a dream, a fool’s hope, a prayer whispered to his pillow when it got to be too much. But he wouldn’t trade Sid’s friendship for anything, even that impossible dream.

His pining was pathetic, but he’d become used to it. It was comforting at this point.

The thought of telling Sid was starting to feel less like a death sentence and more like relief.

A cliff’s edge was never a fun place to hang around; one push either way would change his life. He may as well, what, choose his own destiny?

He gave up napping altogether and went downstairs to catch up on whatever show his sister had recommended, grabbing a gatorade from the fridge. _ ‘Hydration is important’  _ the mini Sid in his head reminded him, like Nate hadn’t been an athlete his whole life.

The show was mindless but it ate up time and distracted him from thinking about dinner. Eventually he couldn’t put it off any longer and went to get changed for dinner.

-

Sid wasn’t in the habit of apologizing for how he felt - something a few Flyers fans might have strong opinions about - and the fact that he had to apologize to one of his best friends about how he felt wasn’t an idea he ever wanted to even approach.

It wasn’t dirty, how he felt. Nate was twenty five, and it wasn’t like Sid had been in love with him since he was fifteen. But he knew it could make someone uncomfortable, especially considering Nate’s own sexuality. Nate wasn’t homophpbic, Sid knew that, but he was still a professional hockey player. There was still that culture around being attracted to men in the locker room.

If Juniors had taught him anything, it was that different wasn’t always better. So he tucked away his sexuality with all of idiosyncrasies and superstitions. It was there, it was something he knew about and accepted, but it was for him. His family knew, his closest friends all knew. The only reason Nate didn’t know was because Sid was in love with him and didn’t want to ruin their friendship. No one else needed to know, not really. Maybe someday. 

He sighed, wrapping a few sweet potatoes in foil before he gave up being productive and gripped the countertop with both hands.

He’d made a vow that he would never give up who he loved for what he loved. He refused to repress one part of him for another. If someone he was with didn’t understand why his career was so important to him, that wasn’t a relationship he wanted to be in. Secrecy was different; he was a private person by nature. But this wasn’t a part of him he hid because of shame or fear, but because no one had a right to know him like that.

The only thing he was afraid of was losing Nate.

He sighed, going back to getting the steaks ready for dinner. If he was going to have this conversation, he needed protein. And maybe a beer or two. There was only so much thinking he could do before his brain exploded. 

He had practiced what he was going to say but as soon as Nate arrived everything he’d planned went out the window. He looked nervous as he took his shoes off by the front door like he hadn’t done the same thing hundreds of times. 

“Everything’s ready,” Sid said after a beat of staring at each other in the hallway. “We just need to put them on the grill.”

“Did you get -”

“Sweet potatoes?” Sid interrupted. “Of course.”

Nate grinned. “You know me too well.”

Sid rolled his eyes. “With the amount of times we’ve done this, I should at least know what you like to eat.”

“How generous,” Nate laughed. He still seemed nervous, but their easy banter seemed to help calm his nerves.

_ It was so easy, _ Sid thought, leading them outside to the grill. It was so easy to stand next to him cooking dinner, so easy to sit across from him and eat, so easy to nurse a beer next to him on the porch after they finished dinner.

“So,” Nate started.  _ Not so easy. _

Sid settled back in his chair. “You wanted to talk about something.”

“I did,” Nate nodded. “Can we go inside?”

“Yeah, of course.” Sid led them back inside, stopping to lock the door. He took the chance to breathe in deeply, but his nerves wouldn’t be settled. He shook his head and followed Nate into the den, taking a seat next to him on the sofa.

“So,” Nate repeated.

“Can I say something first?”

“Sure.” Nate seemed to be surprised, but gestured for Sid to go on.

“I’m sorry,” Sid forced out

“You’re...sorry.” It was obvious that wasn’t what Nate was expecting.

Sid nodded, unable to look at him.

“What are you sorry for?” He sounded confused.

Sid twisted his fingers together nervously, eyes darting around the room. “I know my feelings for you have made you uncomfortable, but I’m not sure exactly how to fix that.”

“Your - feelings? For me?” Nate looked shocked, but not horrified. Maybe Sid wouldn’t lose him like he’d feared. “You have feelings for me?”

This was absolutely not how Sid thought tonight was going to go. “Did you...not know? Isn’t that why you came for dinner?”

“I had no idea.”

-

Nate was almost speechless. He’d built this up, to the point of almost having an anxiety attack at dinner, thinking he was going to lose Sid as a friend.

But - Sid had feelings for him. Sidney Crosby, the absolute love of Nate’s life, had feelings for him. And right now he was staring at Nate, mouth gaping.

“Sid…” Nate started softly. 

“I thought you knew,” Sid choked. He looked ready to bolt, like he wasn’t in his own home and had nowhere to go.

“I really didn’t,” Nate said, eyes wide.

“Fuck. I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I?”

“I didn’t even know you were gay,” was all Nate managed to say.

“Well. I am,” Sid snorted mirthlessly. 

“Did you mean it?”

“Of course I meant it,” Sid said with a frustrated eyeroll. “When have you known me to say things I don’t mean?”

“I asked if I could come over because I wanted to tell you about my feelings for you.”

Now it was Sid’s turn to stare at Nate with wide eyes. “What?”

“We’re disasters,” Nate laughed.

He reached for Sid’s hand where it was resting in his lap. It was a similar size to Nate’s, calloused from holding a hockey stick, but his fingers were thicker when Nate intertwined them with his own.

“I thought you knew,” Sid repeated, staring at their hands.

“I do now,” Nate shrugged.

“What are you gonna do about it?” Sid challenged.

Nate rolled his eyes. “Shut up, idiot.”

“I feel like you’re not supposed to call someone an idiot before you kiss them.”

What did he know, Nate thought, doing just that. 

He pulled back when they’d started to smile too widely to kiss properly. They would have time to talk later, to discuss the whens, the ifs, the hows, but that was hardly at the forefront of Nate’s mind. The only thing he was thinking about right now was the way Sid was tossing a leg over Nate’s thighs, settling on his lap with a wide grin.

“You’re going to crush me,” Nate laughed, even as he gripped Sid by the hips.

“We weigh pretty much the same,” Sid objected with a matching laugh.

“I’m also taller than you and all of my weight isn’t in my ass,” Nate pointed out.

Sid shifted in his lap. “Are you really chirping me right now?”

“I think you can handle me calling your ass big.”

“See if I let you touch it,” Sid scoffed.

“You wouldn’t deny a starving man a meal, would you?” Nate whined.

Sid laughed loudly, and dropped his head to rest on Nate’s shoulder.

“Why do I even like you?”

“My dekes?”

Instead of responding, Sid hummed and turned to press a kiss against Nate’s pulse point. Nate took a minute to run his hands across Sid’s shoulders, took a minute to marvel at the fact that that dream, that impossible dream, wasn’t just a fool’s hope. He didn’t have to pray, didn’t have to beg. He could have this, because Sid loved him, too.

“I was scared,” Sid admitted, dropping another kiss to his neck. 

Nate felt a laugh escape. “Me, too.”

“I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Sid said softly. “I would have told you.”

“I get it.” Because he did. There was no use being upset that Sid never told him, because Nate had done the same.

He grabbed both of Nate’s hands gently, removing them from his hips to hold in his own. He took a deep breath, like he was bracing himself. “I love you,” he said all in one breath. “I know it’s early, we haven’t even talked about what we’re doing, but I’ve felt this way for so long -”

Nate interrupted him with a kiss. “I know. I love you, too.”

“Be with me.” It wasn’t phrased as a question, but there was a pleading lilt to it.

Nate stared at him for a moment before pulling him in for another kiss, hands falling once more to grasp firmly at Sid’s hips. He was solid under Nate’s hands and he deepened the kiss until it was more urgent, leading to something more than just soft declarations of love. Sid’s mouth tasted like the wine they’d had with dinner, and was very possibly the best thing he’d ever tasted.

“Is that a yes?” Sid pulled back with a gasp. 

“Uh, duh.”

Sid shook his head. “Why did I choose you?”

“My elegant dekes?” Nate said with a cheeky grin.

“That must be it,” Sid replied with a smile.


End file.
